"We're in this together' is a favorite phrase in how I self-mentor my inner space. It developed and strengthened as I wrote Smartview Stories books where I experience it as a useful way of expressing the elemental "Being With" essence of Ashamaya, the Inner Companion representing our larger self.

We're in this Together.

This is easy to say. Important are the qualities of being we ARE when we say these words. Most of our world cultures encourage fast responses. As much as I naturally prefer a slower pace and more space, I've also found myself easily swept along juggling life's daily demands best I can.

For much of my life, when my fast juggles crashed, I would first find a friend to chat with. This was helpful, like a temporary bandaid. Ultimately, I would find ways to spend time alone, processing my experiences, holding space for all the parts within me to find peace and a sense of my next step.

During those years, I carried an understanding that this aspect of life, my inner world, was mine to walk alone. All of my personal growth and spiritual studies confirmed this. And yet, something in me was sad and longed for someone to take my hand and say‚ "I'll go too". Possibly, that longing is part of how I found my way to hold space for the learning community that gathers here.

We are not alone here. We are in it together. We learn not only to accompany our own process, also how to hold space for each other. With this understanding, the team at Learn Focusing approaches what we do here as personal empowerment and community building, together, as one.

A Focusing Partnership

In the 15+ yrs that I have had regular Focusing partners, I have found companions who take my hand and say “I’ll go too”.  This “I’ll go too” is very different from a friend or a healer who says “I can help you fix that”.  An intimacy develops with a regular Focusing partner such that I suspect oxytocin is involved.  Oxytocin is our calm and connection hormone.  The effects of oxytocin are well documented about how physical closeness and touch provide us with a feeling of security, helping us relax and calm down.  These same effects can be experienced on a psychological level even without bodily contact.  Someone who listens attentively to us gives us the same feelings of security and connection that comforting touch provides.

Another Focusing partnership image that comes to mind for me is aheb love.  Aheb is an Aramaic word for a type of love that grows slowly over time, kind of like the process of starting a fire.  At first, it can take some effort to get a flame at all.  Then a fire forms and you notice how the small flames flicker easily when unexpected breezes enter the space. You increase your awareness of what you are allowing in and the effect it has on the fire you are tending.  You see that your Focusing partnership, like this fire, could easily go out if you walk away or leave it unattended for too long.  The fire feels good and keeps you warm so you want to protect it. Over time, it becomes second nature for you to keep the fire lit.  A little gentle feeding and your Focusing partnership becomes a safe space you can count on to radiate warmth, love and compassion for your inner journey.  Maybe we’re not so much in it alone, maybe we’re in it together.  

Belonging to a Focusing Community

All of our group spaces are carefully designed to be safe for us to show up as our authentic ever-in-process self. In Smartview Conversations, one of the free group activities we offer, there are community guidelines. One of the guidelines is: Presume welcome and extend welcome, we all learn most effectively in spaces that welcome us. The paradox in this guideline is that we do both these actions. We extend welcome to others and we presume we are welcome. Presuming we are welcome invites our fears about being judged into our awareness. Once we see them, we can give them the quality of being with that they need from us. We may even share them with the group, knowing they will be accepted. This is an opportunity to rewire our brain toward a sense of belonging and to heal past experiences in group environments. 

We are social beings and Focusing skills are best learned in relationship with others. Begin with what works in your life now. You can learn Focusing with individual sessions, stories, videos, free group activities or group courses. Visit our Learn Focusing Community page to find someone who has used Focusing to successfully overcome your challenge.

If you have questions, feel free to contact us. In gratitude for our connection,

Sandy and The Learn Focusing Team and Community