by Barbara Dickinson

If you would like to listen to the audio version of this blog post, you can find it on YouTube.

Greetings! It is good to be back from my summer travels. Instead of our usual cartoon illustrations, here are some photos from the places I visited.

Where to begin? I would like to start by saying that I was not looking for an opportunity to use all my skills, Focusing and other, but these travels provided me with those opportunities nonetheless.

There was the heat. Then, there was a lot of driving, navigating, hoteling, socializing, dining out, celebrating, touring, walking, learning history and other facts, Focusing, Untangling, and finally, evacuating! (Read on for more about that.)

How is all this about exploring interaction, you might ask? And I would answer that travel, in particular, brings me into contact with many more people than I usually encounter in my everyday life. The opportunities over the last few weeks for exploring interaction with all manner of strangers, and some friends, were abundant. 

It might help if I give a brief outline of the activities that were scheduled on this trip. 

• Most importantly, my Focusing partner from Australia came to visit and we traveled together. 
• There was a 50th wedding anniversary celebration for friends. 
• There were visits to historic locations in Massachusetts, USA: Boston, Plymouth, Hyannis, and Nantucket. 
• There was a visit to New York City: the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island (Immigration Museum).
• Then we flew to Colorado, USA, to attend the “Untangling Retreat” with Ann Weiser Cornell, Barbara McGavin, and 11 other Focusers.
• We spent a day on a guided bus tour of the Rocky Mountains.
• And then I flew home. (My friend toured a bit more and then returned directly to Australia.)

At each of those stops, there was rich interaction with all kinds of people. And then there were: 

• The challenges of travel, low energy, grumpiness, surprises, and settling in 
• Meeting a group of strangers
• Meeting old friends and colleagues
• Managing self care in high heat far from home
• Special Mention: the challenge of high altitude (5,000-10,000 ft above sea level - INSERT FOOTNOTE TO CONVERT), acclimating (I did not fully acclimate), and appreciating breathing in a new way)
• More Special Mention: the day before our retreat was to end, a wildfire erupted close to our place and a mandatory evacuation order was announced. 

Let us review the process of Interactive Focusing and see if the opportunities presented by travel can be mapped to each of the features.

1. 1st Focuser tells the Story, Felt Senses how it is
2. 1st Listener offers empathy, reflection
3. 1st Focuser comes to a resting place; 1st Listener offers Double Empathic Moment and a symbol expressing the Focuser’s essence 
4. 1st Listener becomes 2nd Focuser and notices what is touched inside by 1st Focuser’s session (Interactive Response)
5. 2nd Focuser tells the Story, Felt Senses how it is
6. 2nd Listener offers empathy, reflection
7. 2nd Focuser comes to a resting place; 2nd Listener offers Double Empathic Moment and a symbol expressing the 2nd Focuser’s essence 
8. Both partners offer the Relationship Check of “How am I Now?” and “How am I with You?”

The first thing I noticed among strangers and old friends was how many stories there are to tell. While I did not stop and Focus with every encounter, I did notice when people listened empathically and reflected, rather than the cultural norm of listening to respond, to tell their own (hopefully related) story. (#1, #2)

While there was no planned practice of Interactive Focusing, there were times when empathic listening yielded a symbolic expression - a metaphor, an image - that enhanced the sense of being truly heard and appreciated by the listener. 

I remember one time in particular when I had what could be called a “spiritual experience” in my Focusing, and someone listening to my description gave back the word “spiritual” when I had not used it. I deeply appreciated that resonance. (#3)

The beginnings of the Interactive Response are found in ordinary conversation, when I am telling my story, and whoever is listening responds by telling their resonant story. Something touched them about what I was saying. Ordinary conversation may miss the “empathic listening and reflection” part of the Focusing process, but it is worth noting that the seed is there in this resonance. (#4)

The more I practice Interactive Focusing, the more I find that I am touched by something the 1st Focuser offers, when I am the 1st Listener. My turn as 2nd Focuser is sometimes gently, sometimes profoundly influenced by what I have heard and experienced, especially in the Double Empathic Moment. (#5, #6, #7)

My Focusing partner and I once met in person many years ago at a Focusing Gathering, but have not spent time in person together since then, until now. Although we did not use the formality of the Relationship Check, we did check in many times during our travels to see “How am I Now?” and “How am I With You?” In a friendly and supportive way, we noticed our differences, tweaked our interactions, and came out better friends for the experience than we were when we started. (8)

Evacuation deserves its own space. In the first place, there were interactions with all the parts of me that reacted to the evacuation order:

• How close is the fire? (Afraid?)
• How much time do we have? (Anxious?)
• Where will we go? (Curious?)
• How will we get there? (Anxious?)
• Will we be able to take all our belongings? (Anxious?)
• What happens after we leave? (Curious?)
• How bad will the air quality be? (Curious/Anxious?)

All of these questions were answered in due course, and I am pleased to report that everyone was able to leave safely and in plenty of time. 

Watching the interactions among our group was fascinating, even in those moments of worry and intensity:

• Some people took charge.
• Some people followed those who took charge.
• Everyone remained reasonably calm.
• There were visible instances of empathic listening and compassion, especially when one person seemed nervous and another person stepped in to support. 
• The people who had cars became organizers.
• Decisions about where to go shifted, but everyone arrived at the meeting place. 
• Although some of us were moving on as scheduled at the end of the first week, those who remained for the second (Advanced) week, quickly rallied and found a new place to hold the rest of the retreat. 

I am very pleased to report that, although at least 3 more wildfires started while we were still in Colorado, I heard from Staff at the place where we stayed that all of the people, all of the livestock, and all of the property were unharmed by the wildfires and all were able to return to their homes and jobs by the week of August 12.

As for my Untangling experience, that is on-going and will involve much more exploration of both my inner world and my interactions as I live forward what was implicit in that week in Colorado. 

NEW! Our Changes Meetings for Exploring Interaction 2025 Schedule is now available.  Scheduled every month on the Third Sunday:

• Sunday, August 18, 2024 11:00 am and 7:00 PM EDST/New York time
• Sunday, September 15​, 2024 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST/New York time
• Sunday, October 20, 2024 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST/New York time
• Sunday, November 17, 2024 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST/New York time
• Sunday, December 15, 2024 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST/New York time
• Sunday, ​January 19, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST /New York time
• Sunday, ​February 16, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST/New York time
• Sunday, ​March 16, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST/New York time
• Sunday, ​April 20, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST/New York time
• Sunday, ​May 18, 20​25 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST /New York time
• Sunday, ​June 15, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST /New York time
• Sunday, July 20, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST /New York time
• Sunday, August 17, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST /New York time
• Sunday, September 21, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST /New York time
• Sunday, October 19, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST /New York time
• Sunday, November 16, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST​ /New York time
• Sunday, December 21, 202​5 11:00 AM and 07:00 PM EDST/New York time

• The link to register appears at the bottom of this post.

Getting Ready for On-Demand Video Course

In the Fall of 2024, we will begin production of an On-Demand Video Course in Interactive Focusing, including approximately 8 videos providing “on demand” lessons in Interactive Focusing. We are offering this so that a person who completes viewing all the videos would be entitled to a number of sessions with the Instructor to demonstrate proficiency, pass an evaluation, and receive a Certificate of Proficiency in Interactive Focusing Partnership (TBD) .

Watch Parties Coming Up 

Because we Focusers are spread out across the globe, a “Watch Party” is the perfect solution to bring everybody together to watch the video produced by Nada Lou of Janet Klein and Mary Maguire explaining the Interactive Focusing method. 

When summer comes to a close, we will announce a schedule for Watch Parties. Our tentative plan is to offer this feature at the close of each Changes Meeting for Exploring Interaction.

If, however, you want to watch the video sooner, you can purchase it from Nada Lou on her website. 

“THE INTERACTIVE FOCUSING”, Mary McGuire Ph.D.and Janet Klein Ph.D.

Up Next! 

In our next blog post for Exploring Interaction, the topic is conflict, and how Interactive Focusing can be used to help find understanding, common ground, and forward living. 

“Seen on a Road Sign” 

In honor of Ann and Barbara’s new book, “Untangling”, out August 15, 2024, our “Seen on a Road Sign” features just that. 

In their own words: 

“It all started 30 years ago, when we were struggling with depression, writer’s block, food, and alcohol.

What we discovered was that all these issues were fundamentally the same kind of problem: a Tangle.

We developed processes that would enable even the most impossibly stuck Tangles to untangle themselves. We tested them first on ourselves and then with others – with remarkable results. We called our method Untangling®. …

To introduce you to our book – coming on August 15! – we created this video.”

Look for “Untangling” on Goodreads.

Ann and Barbara have “Protector” and “Defender” parts in their Untangling work. In a precious moment of synchronicity, we met “Ziggy” the Llama, who resides at the Ranch where we stayed. Llamas, it turns out, will protect a herd from predators, and Ziggy was apparently a master “Protector”!

Questions? 

If any of this prompts a question or a comment, we would love to hear from you. Use our Contact Form at the bottom of the page to reach out.

Until next time!

• Our Monthly Virtual Changes Meeting for Exploring Interaction Schedule and Registration is here.
• Watch our Demonstration of Interactive Focusing with Sandy and Barbara here.
• Read more about Exploring Interaction here. 
• Resources about Interactive Focusing are found here. 
• You can read the latest from Sandy about Smartview Conversations here.
• You can read Sandy’s latest newsletter here. 
• Read Sandy’s latest blog post on how Relational Neuroscience Compliments Focusing.