By Barbara Dickinson

If you would like to listen to the audio version of this blog, you can find it on YouTube.

Conflict! It is a part of everyday living. Most people do not love it. Many people are afraid of it. Some people have skills to process conflict successfully -- meaning the relationship between the two people in conflict survives and thrives. Many people have weak skills and suffer broken relationships after conflict. 

Klein, McGuire, and Conflict

Drs. Janet Klein and Mary McGuire used the Interactive Focusing method to resolve conflict. In this blog post, we will examine the possibilities for applying this method.

In her book, “Interactive Focusing Therapy: Healing Relationships” Dr. Janet Klein writes about conflict situations in couples therapy. In those sessions, Interactive Focusing turns are taken by each of the partners in the couple with the therapist as a third party to the process. This provides a level of safety, professional support, and guidance to the participants. 

No Third Person?

Can Interactive Focusing be used for interpersonal conflict between two people when a third person is not present? 

Yes! And it makes sense to have some parameters that the participants agree to in advance.

• Both participants understand the Interactive Focusing method; ideally they will both have used it before the conflict resolution session.
• If there is a third person who knows the method and can act as a support person, that would be ideal. 
• Agreement on roles and boundaries in advance of a session would also be ideal.

More on Conflict

What do others in the Focusing community have to say about Focusing and conflict? 

• A simple search of the TIFI website produced dozens of entries about Focusing and conflict, presentations and articles. For example, to use Dr. Gendlin’s term, “bridging,” there are people around the world who “bridge” Focusing and Non-Violent Communication (NVC), including ways to address interpersonal conflict.
• In one example, Dr. Kathy McGuire, PhD, author, teacher, presenter, and Founder of Creative Edge Focusing, has this to say:

“Gendlin’s Focusing technique is a methodical process for sitting with The Creative Edge until new, creative solutions arise. It can be used by an individual for creative problem-solving, artistic expression, personal and spiritual growth. It can also be applied in interpersonal relationships and task-oriented groups for conflict resolution and win-win decision-making. And as part of a peer-counseling exchange, it can be used to build supportive community.

I am using the term Intuitive Focusing for my application of Gendlin’s approach. I am directing attention to the experience most people can recognize as an “intuition,” a gut feeling without words, as one “doorway” into the Focusing process.  I am placing special emphasis upon the use of Focusing for the creation of innovative ideas out of such “intuitions” and, especially, the creation of innovative solutions out of interpersonal or group-level conflict.”

“Creating At The Edge, The Creative Edge, and Intuitive Focusing”

The One-Sentence Method 

In my memoir, “Sundays with Gene,” I describe a conflict that arose when I worked directly with Dr. Eugene Gendlin (2011-2012). What emerged from that experience I call “the one-sentence method,” in which each person has a turn of only one sentence.

Why? Because I had observed, largely from personal experience, that many attempts to resolve conflict in a conversational form disintegrated into lengthy tirades or rants of the defects of character of the other person. In my experience, and that of many others, there is rarely any good to come from such sessions, and often a great deal of harm results. 

You can read about the one-sentence method and more here.

What is the difference between Interactive Focusing for conflict and Interactive Focusing for practice?

Interactive Focusing in practice partnerships and Interactive Focusing for resolving conflict differ in two ways.

First, for practice partnerships, all the features are kept intact. For conflict resolution, each person takes a turn, and these turns can go back and forth without the other features, until both people feel a sense of resolution.

Second, for conflict resolution, it is ideal to have a third person present who can provide a sense of safety and stability to the session. Best if this third person is familiar with, or a practitioner of, the Interactive Focusing method.

The topic of conflict resolution is so broad and deep that a comprehensive discussion of the application of even one method is beyond the scope of this blog. We hope what you have found here inspires you to consider more deeply how you can apply your Focusing and Interactive Focusing skills to all areas of your life, especially resolving conflicts to preserve and foster important relationships.

Seen on a Road Sign

For this blog post’s episode of “Seen on a Road Sign,” we have a short discussion on empathy. 

In Interactive Focusing, we talk about “empathic listening" and we have the “Double Empathic Moment,” where the Listener holds the essence of the Focuser’s session empathically, and the Focuser shows self-empathy. 

Empathy is an interesting concept, generally defined as “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another (Merriam-Webster Dictionary). 

While we use empathy in its most positive form in Interactive Focusing, it could be said that empathy is neither inherently positive or negative. In fact, the Gallup Organization considers empathy to be a human talent that can either help or harm. They define it in their Gallup StrengthsFinder like this:

“People exceptionally talented in the Empathy theme can sense other people's feelings by imagining themselves in others' lives or situations.”

Furthermore, according to Gallup, not everyone has the innate talent of empathy. While everyone can be taught what empathy is, not everyone can excel at its application without the basic talent, and the development of that talent through the application of knowledge, skills and experience.

This raises even more interesting questions we will take up in the future, such as:

• How can empathy skills be taught?
• What does empathy look like in the negative?
• How can we protect ourselves (and others?) from the negative effects of empathy, as in feeling too much of what another person feels?

Follow this link to read a Gallup Organization study in empathy.

Changes Meetings for Exploring Interaction - NEW!! Watch Parties

We had our first ever “Watch Party” at the Changes Meetings for Exploring Interaction on Sunday October 20. We are watching 15 minute “chapters” of “The Interactive Focusing” video, starring Drs. Janet Klein and Mary McGuire, produced by Nada Lou. If you cannot make a Changes Meeting to join us for Watch Party, you can purchase the video by following this link: “THE INTERACTIVE FOCUSING”, Mary McGuire Ph.D.and Janet Klein Ph.D

Up Next! 

In our November post, we will explore a little deeper a favorite topic: “We tell too much, we ask too little.” Between now and then, if you would like to experiment a little with this idea, just notice in each conversation that you have, how much time is spent asking questions? And how much time is spent telling stories, or facts, or opinions?

Questions? 

If any of this prompts a question or a comment, we would love to hear from you. Use our Contact Form at the bottom of the page to reach out.

Until next time!

• Our Monthly Virtual Changes Meeting for Exploring Interaction Schedule and Registration is here. PLEASE NOTE NOVEMBER 2024 MEETING DATE HAS MOVED TO NOVEMBER 24.
• Watch our Demonstration of Interactive Focusing with Sandy and Barbara here.
• Read more about Exploring Interaction here. 
• Resources about Interactive Focusing are found here. 
• You can read the latest from Sandy about Smartview Conversations here.
• Read Sandy’s latest blog post on how Relational Neuroscience Compliments Focusing.