By Barbara Dickinson

Practice: Felt Sensing Another Person's Essence, Forming A Symbol, continued

If you would like to listen to the audio version of this blog post, you can find it on YouTube.

In this blog post, we will continue with the Double Empathic Moment, including some frequently asked questions (FAQs) and examples. 

The Single Wing of Interactive Focusing

Let’s take a look at what we have discussed so far. The Single Wing of Interactive Focusing, which is the first turn, starts with the Focuser telling their story, then finding the felt sense of “all that”, proceeding with their Focusing turn, and coming to a gentle close. 

When to Offer the Double Empathic Moment

At the end of the first Focuser’s turn, the Listener offers the Double Empathic Moment, or “the Golden Moment”, where the Listener takes in how it is for the Focuser, finds the essence of how it is for the Focuser with the Listener’s own body sense, and allows a symbol to form inside, which is then offered to the Focuser.

And the Single Wing is Complete!

This completes the Single Wing of Interactive Focusing, and sets the stage for the “Interactive Response”, in which the second Focuser finds what touched them inside about the first Focuser’s session. We will talk more about the Interactive Response in a future blog post, particularly because it is a departure from the traditional Focusing practice that keeps a separation or boundary between the Focuser’s material and the Listener’s bodily response. 

What is it?

Let’s review what a Double Empathic Moment is, and what it is not.

Here are the things the Double Empathic Moment is: 

– It is formed in the body sense (felt sense) of the Listener

– It is how the Listener senses the essence of the Focuser’s material

– It is offered as a symbol, such as a word, phrase, sentence, image, gesture, movement, or even a melody or dance step

– It is brief

– It is respectful

– It is positive 

– It is formed from, or related in, different words than the words the Focuser used

– It is a gift from the Listener to the Focuser

What is it Not?

Here are the things the Double Empathic Moment is not:

– It is not the Listener’s own experience of something similar to what the Focuser has said

– It is not the Listener’s advice on what they think the Focuser should do

– It is not the Listener’s judgment or criticism, however gentle, of what the Focuser has said

– It is not what the Listener would do if they found themselves in the situation the Focuser describes

– It is not what the Listener wishes could be true for the Focuser

– It is not what the Listener hopes the Focuser will reach, achieve, find, or otherwise evolve into

– It is none of what our usual cultural or societal norms encourage us to bring to the relationship

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What is the purpose of the Double Empathic Moment? 

The double empathic moment offers a golden opportunity to improve a relationship, instead of what has become a common cultural pattern of parting ways, or ending a relationship when there is conflict.

What is an example of a symbol given in a double empathic moment?

From my own personal experience, I was demonstrating the Double Empathic Moment in a group of Focusers. There was one gentleman who was new to Focusing. I offered a short piece of story and felt sensing, and he offered a symbol of a deep well and what could be seen from the top of the well. It was perfect! It touched me deeply and it helped my felt sense to shift a bit from where it had been before. 

What this helped me to see is that this process of sensing into the essence of another person’s experience does not require advanced skills. It requires a willingness, and perhaps a surrender to the process, but even a newcomer to Focusing is able to sense into and symbolize how it is for another person.

Do you have to be an experienced Focuser to practice the Double Empathic Moment? 

Perhaps not! It helps, but in this and subsequent posts, we will try to make it easy enough to understand and apply for everyone.

Can you use the double empathic moment in a traditional Focusing session?

One of my Focusing partners and I enjoy what we call “breaking the rules”. By this, we do not mean serious or important rules, regulations, or laws! We mean to innovate! Sometimes, when we have conversations that are not strictly Focusing sessions, we will stop, and give each other an empathic essence, or symbol, from the conversation. It works quite well! 

So yes, in agreement between two partners, it is possible to have a Double Empathic Moment in a Focusing session, or even a conversation. What is important is this: 1) both partners agree, 2) both partners participate, each offering a symbol to the other in turn, 3) judgment, criticism, advice or the like are left strictly out of the process, 4) each partner offers story and felt sense in their turn as Focuser -- otherwise it may be too difficult for the listener to capture the essence. 

Questions? We have Answers!

If you have any questions or comments, especially about applying what we have described here about the Double Empathic Moment, we would love to hear from you! Use our Contact Form (below) to send us your comments.

Next time...

In our next blog post, we will talk about The Interactive Response, where the first Listener becomes the second Focuser and notices what touched them about the first Focuser’s experience. 

Until next time!

• You can find our Monthly Virtual Changes Meeting schedule here.
• Read more about Exploring Interaction here. 
• Resources about Interactive Focusing are found here.