By Barbara Dickinson

If you would like to listen to the audio version of this blog post, you can find it on YouTube.

As we prepare for our first gathering to explore interaction, let us take a look at the first practice distinguishing interactive Focusing from basic or traditional Focusing: Focuser as Storyteller.

If you have some experience with Focusing, then you probably know that story content is not a necessary part of a Focusing session. Neither the Focuser nor the Listener in a partnership needs to know "The Story". 

Focusing, like we said in the previous blog post, is first and foremost Felt Sensing – the sensations plus feelings our body is producing in response to whatever is going on for us.

But to maintain and improve relationships, one key is to understand the other person. In the practice of interactive Focusing, that's where the story comes in.

We call it "Focuser as Storyteller". In the first several minutes of the Focusing turn, this is the time to give context to what is happening inside — what is prompting the bodily response. 

Let's go back for a moment to create even better contrast. In a Focusing session without the interactive component, the Focuser senses what's inside. This could take any form, like images, sounds, words, colors, textures, shapes, movements, etc. Because Focusing works so well with a Listener, the Focuser can say out loud what they are experiencing. The Listener can reflect. There are even Focusers trained to both reflect and make helpful suggestions, as guides.

In the interactive method of Focusing, the Listener plays the same role, but they are hearing the context of the Focuser’s experience in the story, as well as hearing what follows the story — the felt sense experience.

For the second part of the Focuser’s turn, they do the same as traditional focusing: they describe the felt sense that comes with their story. The Listener can reflect or even guide in the same way as described above.

Let's go back for a moment to an even earlier blog post that talks about listening to understand, rather than listening to respond.

The interactive form of Focusing is all about listening to understand. Later, the Listener is going to give back to the Focuser something called the “double empathic moment". We will talk about that in a later blog post. It is a precious gift the Listener offers from having deeply understood how it is for the Focuser, after hearing about their story and their felt sense. 

Here is a bit of focusing wisdom from friends far and wide: a word about trust. Focusing is a deeply personal experience. In a world where feeling safe with another person is a precious experience, we can still have the experience of being heard, reflected, and understood without ever telling our story. That is one of the “miracles” of felt sensing and listening in the Focusing exchange. I can describe my sense of an experience without ever telling the Listener what it is about. Some people call this "contentless Focusing".

A closing word about trust: It is important to notice when trust is present in an interaction and when trust is absent.  I may be able to understand another person deeply, but that doesn't mean I necessarily trust them. Being aware of how we are with trust is another key to maintaining and improving relationships. If I trust you, I may share more about how it is for me. If I do not know whether I can trust you, I can always share something without context or content. It is easier to say "I feel a bit fearful" than it is to say "I feel a bit fearful because my friend yelled at me yesterday". In the former, there is nothing for the Listener to know who I am talking about. In the latter, I've shared a piece of what might seem like confidential information.

Let's not take this too far yet. Maybe just consider as you begin an interaction what is your level of trust in the person in front of you (even virtually)?

Here are some ideas to try out in the coming weeks:

1. When you are about to have an interaction, pause for a few seconds and ask yourself a simple question like "Do I trust this person?" If it is possible, close your eyes and notice any reaction that comes in your body. It might be a small voice saying "Yes!" Or "No!". It is not necessary to do anything; just notice.
2. Take a few minutes out of your day in a quiet place to close your eyes if possible, and ask yourself a gentle question like "What is between me and being perfectly fine right now?" Then wait and just notice what happens next. Is there a bodily sensation? Does a sentence come? Does an image come? Is there a story connected with what comes? You might make a note of what the story is and what the sensation was that accompanied it.
3. Like we said in the blog post about listening to understand versus listening to respond, you might keep practicing that skill.  Keep noticing in your conversations whether the other person listens to understand? Or listens to respond? And you might notice whether you are listening to understand? Or listening to respond? Here's the link to that blog post if you would like to take a second look.

Our first monthly gathering, the Changes Meeting to Explore Interaction, is happening soon! It is  listed on our calendar of courses.

It is also listed on The International focusing Institute event page.

And you can find more resources for exploring interaction at this link.

In our next blog post we will talk about the skill of empathic listening in a Focusing Way.

Until next time!  

• You can find our Monthly Changes Meeting schedule here.
• Read more about exploring interaction here. 
• Resources about Interactive Focusing are found here. 
• Read Sandy’s latest Newsletter here.